Picky Looter - Comedy Sketch
Logline: Two friends, Annie and Mackenzie, decide to loot when the clothing store they are shopping at catches on fire.
INT. CLOTHING STORE - DAY
Two friends MACKENZIE and ANNIE are picking through clothes and chatting. Suddenly an alarm blares out and an EMPLOYEE frantically runs around.
EMPLOYEE
It’s a fire! Everybody get out!
Smoke starts to creep into the room. People make their way towards the exit, but Annie stops Mackenzie from leaving.
ANNIE
Hey, we should totally grab some stuff on the way out for our double date tonight.
MACKENZIE
Hell yeah, let’s loot this place! No one will notice with all this commotion.
They look around, Mackenzie picks several items to take and turns back to Annie, who looks around with no urgency.
MACKENZIE
Let’s get outta here. Annie?
ANNIE
Hold on, I’m looking for a medium in this jacket.
Annie continues to shift through the racks.
MACKENZIE
What? No, just grab a few things and run for your life!
ANNIE
You know I’m a picky shopper. Everything has to be just so. Half of the crap you just grabbed probably doesn’t even fit you.
MACKENZIE
You’re kidding right? We’re looting.
ANNIE
You can leave without me if you want.
MACKENZIE
I’m not leaving you here ALONE!
ANNIE
Then help me find a medium.
MACKENZIE
Fine!
The store fills up with more smoke as Mackenzie throws clothes around until she finds a medium and slaps Annie across the face with it.
MACKENZIE
Here! Let’s move!
ANNIE
Wait, I don’t think right purple is the right color for me. Is the blue one better?
MACKENZIE
Who cares?
Annie puts the jackets up to her face. Mackenzie looks at her stunned. The walls begin to crumble down. Both of them start coughing.
ANNIE
What do you think?
MACKENZIE
Jeez! Okay, purple has always looked good on you. Oh god, the walls are crumbling!
ANNIE
Calm down, we have plenty of time.
(long pause)
I’m gonna go with the blue.
MACKENZIE
Cool, now move it!
Annie moves on to the pants.
MACKENZIE
Annie?!
ANNIE
I’m browsing for matching pants.
MACKENZIE
We don’t have time for pants!
ANNIE
Really? There’s always time for pants
MACKENZIE
No there’s not! How can you even see anything in all this smoke?
ANNIE
I guess. I won’t get pants then...
Mackenzie drags Annie away from the pants, forcing her out. But, Annie desperately tries to reach the dressing room area.
ANNIE
(struggling)
Just. A. Second. Let me try on the jacket first.
MACKENZIE
Oh no you don’t. We are leaving right now.
ANNIE
I need to be extra sure it feels and fits perfectly.
Annie tries to put on the jacket while Mackenzie tries to take the jacket off. Annie makes her way to the dressing room and grabs a number one for the amount of items she has. Mackenzie swats it from her hand.
MACKENZIE
You don’t need a number!
Annie rubs her hand. Both of them are hacking up a lung now.
ANNIE
Ouch...
A FIREFIGHTER breaks into the building.
FIREFIGHTER (O.S.)
Hey ladies! What are you still doing in here?
MACKENZIE
So much for going unnoticed.
ANNIE
I can see you’re stressed, but wouldn’t it be insane for me not to try it on? I have to make a good impression for my date.
MACKENZIE
You won’t even make an impression if you’re dead!
Annie gets the jacket on and strokes the sleeves.
ANNIE
I like it, I think this is the one.
MACKENZIE
Finally, let’s go!
Annie continues to inspect the jacket while Mackenzie drags her away. The Firefighter makes his way to them.
FIREFIGHTER
What’s going on here? Wait, are you two stealing from the store?
MACKENZIE
Run!
ANNIE
Awww, there’s a tear in it. I need to go back and get another one.
Annie fights back enough to get Mackenzie to let go of her. Mackenzie is defeated.
MACKENZIE
You’re crazy! I’m out of here!
Mackenzie runs out of the building, not caring if Annie is following. The firefighter approaches Annie and looks at the jacket.
FIREFIGHTER
Are you sure blue is the right color for you?
Annie ponders this before passing out.
BLACKOUT