Our Flag Means Death Spec - Revenge on the Revenge
Logline: Aristocrats, Gabriel and Antoinette, stumble onto the Revenge to get their revenge for everything that happened at the fancy dinner party but, when Stede and Blackbeard pass out, it's up to the crew to deal with these imbeciles.
INT. THE REVENGE, STEDE’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Both Stede and Blackbeard lounge on his sofa as Stede reads and Blackbeard pretends to read. He glances over at Stede catching his eye.
STEDE
Oh do I love reading after a thrilling adventure.
(excitedly)
Co-captain.
He raises his glass of brandy.
STEDE
Cheers!
BLACKBEARD
Uh huh, cheers.
They clink their glasses. Stede watches as Blackbeard pulls attention to his book, straining to read.
STEDE
Do you need any help?
Blackbeard slams the book shut.
BLACKBEARD
It’s hard when your hammered... I’m able to read a few words. Like...The. And. I.
STEDE
Amazing work my friend. Let me see.
Stede raises his glass to cheers again.
STEDE
Co-captain.
He hands the book over.
BLACKBEARD
You know, we don’t have to cheers every time one of us says that.
STEDE
But I can’t help being excited.
(then)
Think about it. Our crew will have the best of both. My charisma and your...? Your brutality.
BLACKBEARD
(smiles proudly)
Part fancy boys ‘n part real pirates.
Stede sits closer to him to check out the story.
STEDE
Ah, you found an amazing story. This one is all about a boy that never grows up.
BLACKBEARD
(thinks about it)
That sounds like that fucking sucks.
Stede gives him a warm smile.
STEDE
Actually, it’s quite magical.
Blackbeard looks back at the book intrigued.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
The crew is all around the ship going about their business. Settling in for bed after their day of picking oranges. The Swede is eating oranges as fast as he can without choking. Lucius watches with a raised eyebrow.
LUCIUS
(to The Swede)
Hey!
THE SWEDE
(looks up)
What?
LUCIUS
Take it easy on those. You better be leaving some for the rest of us.
THE SWEDE
Were your teeth falling out?
LUCIUS
No.
THE SWEDE
(meekly)
Then uh, shut your trap.
The Swede spits up some orange juice on Lucius.
LUCIUS
Fine.
(to himself)
Disgusting.
Then wipes the juice off his pants.
EXT. THE REVENGE, BOW - NIGHT
Olu, lost in thought, looks out to the dark sea next to Buttons, who he has fully tuned out.
BUTTONS
(poetically)
As a young lad I’d watch ships like these. But this is the fanciest one I’d ever did see.
Buttons sees Olu not paying attention, but rambles on.
BUTTONS
(fades out)
Which each passin’ wave, she approaches near. Will she realize were even here.
OLUWANDE
(defeated)
Sorry.
(yawns)
What are you talking about?
BUTTONS
Look to ye left.
Olu lazily turns his head to see the aristocrat ship, from the fancy dinner party, approaching. Olu jolts up.
OLUWANDE
Whoa!
Whips his head to Buttons.
OLUWANDE
Buttons?! Why didn’t you tell me a ship was coming??
BUTTONS
(annoyed)
That’s what I’d be talkin’ bout this whole time!
OLUWANDE
Oh no no no. I do not want to deal with this right now.
The crew is below on the deck.
OLUWANDE
(yells out)
Frenchie!
Frenchie startles awake clutching his guitar and points to him self.
OLUWANDE
Yes you!
Frenchie takes his time to walk over.
OLUWANDE
Hurry up!
He gets to Olu totally oblivious.
FRENCHIE
Uh huh?
Olu shoves his face to the direction of the ship. It’s closer than it was before. This realization dawns on Frenchie.
FRENCHIE
Oh shit.
TITLE IMAGE: OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH
The title is etched and slightly charred on a fancy wig.
EXT. THE REVENGE, BOW - NIGHT
Buttons keeps one eye on Olu and Frenchie bickering and another on the aristocrat ship.
OLUWANDE
Yeah oh shit is right! We kinda set their ship on fire.
FRENCHIE
(sleepily)
Well... their not getting my cut of the money back.
OLUWANDE
That doesn’t matter, right now!
(sighs)
This is just great, they’re so annoying.
FRENCHIE
Maybe they’ve come to kill us?
BUTTONS
Revenge on the Revenge eh?
FRENCHIE
(shrugs)
Naw, their too stupid to do anything though.
OLUWANDE
(calms down)
Right. No need to make a big fuss.
Buttons looks down to the crew. They are settling in to sleep.
BUTTONS
(to crew)
All of yah, brace yeselves! We got company!
They grumble looking around.
BUTTONS
They appear ta be.
(dramatic pause)
Idiots.
Everyone tries getting up before seeing grappling hooks come raining down.
INT. THE REVENGE, STEDE'S OFFICE - NIGHT (LATER)
Blackbeard stops on a drawing of Captain Hook.
BLACKBEARD
(flabbergasted)
How would he even use the bathroom with a hook for a hand? Crazy.
He sees Stede sleepily rocking his head back and forth and nudges him awake.
STEDE
Huh?
(then calmly)
When there’s a will, there’s a way I suppose.
(yawns, closes his book)
I think it’s time we go to bed. Co-captain.
Stede leans over to grab more brandy. Blackbeard rolls his eyes but leans in to cheer for one last time, but before their glasses collide the ship rocks violently and they bang their heads together.
BLACKBEARD
Jesus what was that?
STEDE
(groggy)
Oh dear!
Blackbeard spots a book flying towards them and swats it away from Stede’s face, but the chandelier above the sofa smashes on them, causing them to blackout.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
The crew gathers to assess the situation. The grappling hooks have made their way onto the ship and pulling the two ships together, they all stumble to regain their footing. Frenchie raises a finger with an idea.
FRENCHIE
(to Olu)
You know what you should do. Put on your prince outfit again.
OLUWANDE
They know now I’m not a real prince!
ROACH
Wait. These are the ones you and Frenchie scammed.
Frenchie nods.
ROACH
Nice.
WEE JOHN
(yawns)
How did no one spot the ship comin’?
Olu and Frenchie shrug, Buttons raises his hand high.
BUTTONS
I did! I knew!
In the distance Antoinette and Gabriel are figuring out how to get onto the revenge, and who should go over first. The crew takes a look over to them, seeing that they have time to think of a plan.
BLACK PETE
(to Olu and Frenchie)
Seems like this is a problem for you two.
(then to crew)
I say we throw Olu and Frenchie over board!
(no one responds)
Who’s with me!?
Olu turns to Black Pete.
OLUWANDE
Hey!
LUCIUS
(yells over)
Listen everybody!
(then)
By the sound of it, these people are imbeciles. We can handle them.
WEE JOHN
I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Those bitches used grappling hooks... this is serious.
Frenchie shakes Olu’s shoulders excitedly.
FRENCHIE
Put on the prince costume!
WEE JOHN
Wait, are you talkin’ about the really nice jacket you had on once? With them nice cuffs?
FRENCHIE
Ah, yeah.
WEE JOHN
I love that jacket. I’ve snuck into you and Jim’s room to take a look more that once.
OLUWANDE
What, why?
WEE JOHN
(ignores him)
I’ll get it.
OLUWANDE
But!
Wee John darts off before Olu can stop him.
OLUWANDE
(calling to him)
For God’s sake I don’t need the stupid outfit!
(gathers himself, to crew)
We need to stall em, yeah?
(to Black Pete)
Go get Stede!
CREW
Aye! / Get stede! / Good idea!
Black Pete reluctantly strides away.
BLACK PETE
(mutters)
You can’t tell me what to do. And screw Stede! I’m getting Blackbeard.
OLUWANDE
Hey come on now.
(then)
Actually...that’s probably a good idea.
CREW
Aye! / Yeah... / Blackbeard’s the better choice.
Antoinette and Gabriel wave to the crew to get their attention. They are still having trouble getting over to the Revenge. A few of their servants try to lift them over.
ANTOINETTE
Watch the outfit! My goodness.
GABRIEL
(to Revenge crew)
Ah, helllooo?
ANTOINETTE
(to Revenge crew)
Can someone please assist us onto your ship? So we can destroy you.
No one makes an attempt to help.
INT. THE REVENGE, STEDE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Black Pete runs calmly into the room. He notices the both of them are fully passed out.
BLACK PETE
Blackbeard!
He goes over and pushes Stede aside, checking if Blackbeard is still breathing.
BLACKBEARD
(grumbles)
BLACK PETE
What’s that?
He leans down, close to Blackbeard’s face.
BLACK PETE
You want me to take over as captain? Cause I’m the most bad ass?
(Blackbeard says nothing)
I’m the best pirate you’ve ever seen?
(giggles)
Gosh, don’t flatter me.
Black Pete gets a sparkle in his eye.
BLACK PETE
(quickly)
Okay, good talk!
He runs away all giddy.
BLACK PETE
(yells back)
I won’t let you down.
Moments later Wee John stops in the doorway to see Stede and Blackbeard.
WEE JOHN
Ah!
(drops jacket)
Oh fucking hell.
(dusts it off)
Sorry jacket.
He sprints back to the deck.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
The crew is still staring over at the aristocrat ship. Black Pete walks up to Olu.
OLUWANDE
Where’s Blackbeard?
BLACK PETE
(arrogantly)
Oh, he told me to take over as captain for this situation.
They all look at him unconvinced.
CREW
Christ. / Noooo! / Mutiny!
BLACK PETE
That’s right you all have to listen to moi.
Just then Antoinette and Gabriel stumble onto the Revenge. They fix each others slightly burnt outfits then turn to address the group. Gabriel holds a small lantern.
GABRIEL
(to revenge crew)
Well! Where are your manners? My lady and I are struggling and what do you do? Nothing!
ANTOINETTE
Thought you could get away from us scotch free?
GABRIEL
You thought wrong!
Wee John, interrupting with his wheezing, hands Olu the jacket so he can quickly put it on.
WEE JOHN
(breathing heavily)
Pass-passed out...the two of them. Madness...
OLUWANDE
(to Black Pete)
That makes more sense.
BLACK PETE
Damnit.
ANTOINETTE
Enough! Bring us to that imposter Godfrey Thronrose.
LUCIUS
Who?
FRENCHIE
(whispers to Lucius)
She means Stede.
BLACK PETE
And if we don’t?
They both stutter a second.
GABRIEL
(menacingly)
We will set your ship on fire this time.
Black Pete sees the pathetic lantern Gabriel holds.
BLACK PETE
(scoffs)
Please, you drop that and I’ll just put a blanket over it. Problem solved. I’m such a good captain.
Gabriel and Antoinette look at each other.
GABRIEL
That’s why we brought backup.
Behind him on the aristocrat ship are a ton of servants holding up fire sticks and bigger lanterns. The crew’s eyes widen.
GABRIEL
Scared now?
ANTOINETTE
(steps in)
You see, when you left our party, we tried to get the fire out the best we could.
(hand over heart)
Truly.
INT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DINING ROOM - NIGHT (QUICK CUT)
All of them trying to put the fire out with water and blankets.
GABRIEL (V.O.)
Who knew fire would be, how you say.. so unruly.
They accidentally pour alcohol, making the fire worse. Antoinette and Gabriel’s hair starts to burn, their make up melts off.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
GABRIEL
And! To top it all off like a scrumptious cherry, we come to fine that you too!
Points to Olu and Frenchie.
GABRIEL
Gave money to our servants, so they could leave us. All alone.
ANTOINETTE
Most importantly. After all this.
(tears up)
Nobody wants to go to our parties anymore.
GABRIEL
We.
(chokes up)
Don’t even get invites to other extravagant dinner gatherings.
Roach whispers to Buttons.
ROACH
I could kill them right now. You just tackle them and I’ll slit their throats.
BUTTONS
(whispers)
Let em get it out. Must’ve been weighing on them chests.
Roach groans. Antoinette glares at them.
ANTOINETTE
Excuse me? Is there something more important than our tragic story.
Gabriel dramatically waves the lantern.
ANTOINETTE
Now, we’ve got new servants, and sought out your pathetic ship..
EXT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DECK - NIGHT (QUICK CUT)
Gabriel and Antoinette point to The Revenge in the distance. A servant tries to light the cannons, that are covered with dust, clearly never used.
ANTOINETTE (V.O.)
We decided to use our cannons for the first time.
(dramatic sigh)
However, had trouble lighting the fuse. It was simply taking forever.
Gabriel gets impatient and lunges towards it, catching on fire and spreading it to the others. They run around the deck in circles screaming.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
The crew is sitting down now, making themselves comfortable. Buttons stares off into the distance.
BUTTONS
Aye, must have patience with ye cannon. Made that mistake meself once.
GABRIEL
Silence!
(unsure)
I’m going to drop this lantern now and leave you all to burn!
Frenchie starts a slow clap. He puts his arm around Gabriel’s shoulders.
FRENCHIE
Wow, what a riveting story. But we have no idea what you are talking about, right guys?
The crew nods.
FRENCHIE
You must have the wrong ship.
OLUWANDE
It definitely wasn’t us.
(then)
Terribly sorry about your ship though.
Antoinette and Gabriel burst into laughter.
ANTOINETTE
(laughing hysterically, to Gabriel)
But you said!
GABRIEL
(laughing hysterically, to Antoinette)
And then you said!
OLUWANDE
Right... so you must be on your way
BLACK PETE
(groans)
Fucking leave already.
The crew looks to each other, shooing them along, surprised they are getting away with this.
ANTOINETTE
(still laughing)
That is mighty embarrassing.
GABRIEL
(catching breath from laughing)
Oh goodness, go on about your night peasants. On your mediocre ship.
EXT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DECK - NIGHT
Suddenly another aristocrat from the fancy dinner party, Siegfried (who is now shredded), steps out. He doesn’t look like a fancy aristocrat anymore, but a chiseled pirate.
SIEGFRIED
(yells over)
Don’t let them fool you! That’s them alright. He’s even wearing the same jacket.
Both Antoinette and Gabriel gasp.
LUCIUS
(to Olu)
Who the hell is that?!
SIEGFRIED
Bring them to me.
A few servants grab Olu and Frenchie, dragging them to the aristocrat ship.
CREW
Wait a minute! / Bring them back!
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
They hear Olu and Frenchie struggling.
ANTOINETTE
Stay right where you are! You lied to us, again?!
GABRIEL
I’ll drop this. I’ll actually do it this time.
They all back up.
ANTOINETTE
(to Roach)
Get Godfrey Thornrose. I want to catch the fear in his eyes when he sees his ship burning.
ROACH
(annoyed)
Whatever.
They watch him leave. Gabriel nods at the servants behind him still on the aristocrat ship.
GABRIEL
Light them on fire!!
After nothing, Gabriel turns back to the servants with the fire.
GABRIEL
(like tantrum)
What are you waiting for?! Throw the fire already!
SERVANT
(yelling over)
But, sir you and the lady are still on the ship.
GABRIEL
So!?
SERVANT
Best you get off so you don’t get engulfed in the flames.
ANTOINETTE
(politely)
Ah but of course.
GABRIEL
Thank you for reminding us.
Gabriel holds his hand out for Antoinette.
GABRIEL
My lady.
ANTOINETTE
(back to crew)
Hope you have a terrible night.
(laughs evilly)
Gabriel nearly trips, almost dropping the lantern. Lucius runs over to stop it from falling.
LUCIUS
Uh, careful with that! Wouldn’t want you to damage your... already burnt outfits.
Antoinette perks up.
ANTOINETTE
You like our outfits?
LUCIUS
(nervously)
I didn’t quite say that.
GABRIEL
On a scale of 1 to 10 how jealous are you?
ANTOINETTE
It’s the funniest story how we got them.
LUCIUS
Ah, do tell.. give us one more story before we die.
The crew grumbles and settles in like it’s a bedtime story with Stede.
INT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Olu and Frenchie are dragged to the dimly lit dining table. Siegfried sits across from them.
SIEGFRIED
Sit.
A servant sits them down. Another servant brings a lantern close to their faces.
SIEGFRIED
(serious)
What do you think of my spotlight?
Olu and Frenchie exchange looks. Siegfried starts laughing evilly. Olu and Frenchie laugh along awkwardly.
SIEGFRIED
Thought it was fun to play a trick on us huh?
OLUWANDE
Ummm, uhhh...
FRENCHIE
Pretty much.
Siegfried abruptly stands up.
SIEGFRIED
It seems the day of reckoning is here. It’s time for my revenge.
He picks up a butter knife from the table and points it at them.
FRENCHIE
(gulps)
Fuck, this is going to be a slow death.
SIEGFRIED
I’m not talking about you!
(bitterly)
Antoinette and Gabriel.
OLUWANDE
The two ding dongs outside?
SIEGFRIED
Of course them! They held the worst party of the year!
INT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP - MONTAGE (QUICK CUT)
After the party Siegfried takes his wig and makeup off.
SIEGFRIED (V.O.)
You see it was me who tracked this ship down.
Siegfried gets new servants for the ship. They all look at maps.
SIEGFRIED (V.O.)
Me who convinced, as you said, those ding dongs to burn your ship, so I could get them when they least expected it.
Siegfried starts working out and generally becoming a bad ass, with help from the servants motivating him.
INT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DINING ROOM - NIGHT
OLUWANDE
You couldn’t have just killed them in their sleep or somethin’?
SIEGFRIED
Oh no no no, I want you both to do the dirty work for me, so I can watch. You owe me.
Siegfried gets close to Olu’s face.
SIEGFRIED
(spits a little)
Don’t you. Prince Azi.
FRENCHIE
Uh-
SIEGFRIED
(interrupts nonchalantly)
If you refuse I will kill you.
FRENCHIE
(nervously)
With that itty bitty knife? That’s going to be a long and painful death.
SIEGFRIED
Well, I was going to use this...
One of the servants brings out a massive sword.
SIEGFRIED
But now, I kind of want to use the butter knife.
Olu and Frenchie gasp.
INT. THE REVENGE, STEDE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Meanwhile, Roach looms over Blackbeard and Stede. He shakes Blackbeard. Pulling on his beard a bit.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
As Gabriel continues to hold the lantern, Antoinette tells her story. The crew is fully slouched over and bored. Black Pete hits his head repeatedly against a barrel. Wee John is the only one to kind of enjoy it.
ANTOINETTE
And so then, I told Francois he must make one for my brother as well.
Gabriel claps still holding the lantern.
GABRIEL
Oh my, my arm is so terribly tired.
LUCIUS
I feel like I’ve aged five years.
ANTOINETTE
Before he did though he told me all about his silk spun thread.
GABRIEL
Oh yes the silk spun thread. Can’t forget that.
BLACK PETE
(groans with pain)
ANTOINETTE
Silk spun thread must be done-
THE SWEDE
(tentatively)
Someone make it stop. Please?
Antoinette is totally unfazed.
GABRIEL
Do you remember when we first made love in those silk robes.
They stare into each other’s eyes.
ANTOINETTE
(dreamily)
Oh yes.
LUCIUS
(horrified)
My god.
ANTOINETTE
What a magical night. We were at our parent’s mansion.
LUCIUS
Shut up! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore.
Gabriel slaps Lucius pathetically across the face.
GABRIEL
Never. Tell my sister to shut up.
LUCIUS
Did you just slap me?
GABRIEL
I’ll do it again too.
Gabriel slaps his face back and forth until Black Pete stands up.
BLACK PETE
Don’t you dare touch him.
Black Pete slaps Gabriel hard, causing him to fall back. The four of them stare at each other having a stand off before more childish slapping begins.
WEE JOHN
(yells out)
Slap fight!
Everyone joins in.
INT. THE REVENGE, STEDE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Roach gently slaps Stede and Blackbeard in the face.
ROACH
(frustrated)
Wake up! And deal with these assholes, asshole.
Roach finds the leftover brandy and pours it on them. It looks like they are almost coming to.
BLACKBEARD
(grunts)
STEDE
Tea time?
But pass right back out.
ROACH
Ugh!
Roach brings out his long cooking knife. He looks like he about to cut Blackbeard’s finger.
ROACH
(to himself)
I can’t, can I?
INT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Siegfried demonstrates with the servants how he wants them to kill the siblings.
SIEGFRIED
(to Frenchie)
I want you to grab Gabriel.
(to Olu)
And I want you to sneak up behind Antoinette to stab her. Don’t be afraid to jostle the sword around a bit. Make them feel it.
FRENCHIE
Jesus. We could always steal from them?
OLUWANDE
I like that idea.
SIEGFRIED
No! I lost my money because they let imposters into such a fancy party. I loved that money like it was my brother.
(tears up)
Do you know what it’s like to feel such loss?
OLUWANDE
Uh yeah actually, I do know.
SIEGFRIED
You do?
OLUWANDE
(sadly)
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
FRENCHIE
I-I did freak when someone took my cat flag.
Olu stifles a laugh.
FRENCHIE
(defensive)
I put a lot of effort into that.
SIEGFRIED
We have more in common than I thought.
(then)
So please, help me out? It’s the least you could do.
OLUWANDE
(feeling guilty)
You will leave us alone after this?
SIEGFRIED
I give you my word.
FRENCHIE
(sighs)
We might as well get it done then.
OLUWANDE
Right. Give me that sword.
The servant hands it over. Siegfried hugs them.
SIEGFRIED
I knew you’d understand.
Olu pats him on the back.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
Everyones faces are red from slaps as Roach returns.
ROACH
What the hell is this?
EVERYONE
(screaming/fighting)
Wee John runs across.
WEE JOHN
Madness!
Lucius slaps Gabriel over and over. Lucius’ torn off finger leaks some blood from the impact.
GABRIEL
Ew, who cut off your finger?
LUCIUS
(like superhero)
I did.
(before slapping him again)
Antoinette slaps Buttons’ bird, Karl. Appalled Karl flaps a wing at her and flies toward her face.
EXT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DECK - NIGHT
Olu, Frenchie, and Siegfried make it to the deck to witness the fight.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
ROACH
(to crew)
Hey! We do have weapons!
Roach waves his cooking knife.
EVERYONE
Oh yeah! / That’s right! / I forgot about those.
BLACK PETE
Fuck all this slappin’.
Black Pete rips Antoinette’s wig off.
ANTOINETTE
Excuse you!
Roach is the first one to charge.
ANTOINETTE
Gabriel! Get back to the ship!
EXT. ARISTOCRAT SHIP, DECK - NIGHT
Antoinette and Gabriel get pushed closer and closer to the edge. The servants help them back over
GABRIEL/ANTOINETTE
(screaming)
Gabriel goes over to use a cannon. He lights a match unsuccessfully. Antoinette tries to help him but panics and starts throwing random things from the ship toward the Revenge.
Olu and Frenchie sneak up behind the aristocrats to strike, but soon enough Wee John swings over to grab Frenchie and bring him back to the Revenge. In doing so he bumps Siegfried overboard.
OLUWANDE
Oh my god!
Olu looks over the side.
BUTTONS
(yells to Olu)
Nows not the time to be all sentimental.
Wee John pulls Olu over next, they stumble across falling over. Wee John looks to Olu.
WEE JOHN
Did I hit something earlier?
Olu is shocked into silence.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
Roach and Black Pete use their weapons to chop off the grappling hooks. Gabriel in his last attempt, finally throws the lantern. It comes hurtling towards them, but The Swede slaps it, chucking it back over to them, setting the aristocrat’s ship on fire.
GABRIEL
Not again!
The crew gets the last grappling hook off. The aristocrats fall backward when the ship rocks. Some servants are crying over Siegfried.
OLUWANDE
I didn’t want him to die...
FRENCHIE
There, there. It’s okay, it’s done.
Olu watches in horror when a cannon explodes on the aristocrat ship.
OLUWANDE
What?! How did that even happen?!
The aristocrats run around screaming like before. The crew cheers with victory, patting The Swede on the back.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT (LATER)
The crew frantically cleans up. Buttons carrying his bird goes to Olu. They’re still screaming in the distance.
BUTTONS
Gonna be hard to sleep with all the screamin’.
(pats Olu’s back)
Best clean up before cap’n wakes.
FRENCHIE
Don’t know why, the ship always looks like a dump.
WEE JOHN
Yeah, won’t cap’n be more suspicious if it’s tidy?
Olu tears his eyes away from the ship.
OLUWANDE
It’s the least we can do after almost wrecking the ship.
BLACK PETE
Man, we totally kick their asses!
ROACH
Who the hell, thought slapping was the way to go?
BLACK PETE
(real proud)
That was all Lucius.
(then)
But yes let’s not talk about it ever again. Especially in front of Blackbeard.
THE SWEDE
(eating orange)
I wonder how they’ve survived this long out at sea.
FRENCHIE
My respect for Stede continues to grow.
They all smile.
EXT. THE REVENGE, DECK - NIGHT
They all sit around and put frozen meat and fish on their bruised faces.
BLACK PETE
(jolts up)
Wait, where’s Jim?
Lucius sighs and dips his head in his hands.
LUCIUS
Really? This whole time you didn’t notice?
WEE JOHN
I knew one of us was missing.
They all look to Olu. He shifts uncomfortably.
OLUWANDE
Jim left to take care of some family business... but they’ll be back.
BUTTONS
Aye, they’ll be back before ye know it. They’re one mighty pirate.
They leave it at that. After a moment of silence, Blackbeard and Stede frantically arrive.
STEDE
It seems Blackbeard and I were out for a wee bit. We were reading you see, and then...
BLACKBEARD
Who the fuck knocked us out?
(then)
Whoever did it better sleep with one eye open.
Stede gets over it immediately.
STEDE
Well, I’m sure there is a logical reason. It seems everyone is alright.
CREW
Sure are cap’n. / Fine fine. /
All good here.
Blackbeard looks at them suspiciously and walks to the side of the ship.
OLUWANDE
(nervously)
It was just another boring night.
STEDE
(hands on hips)
Good.
BLACKBEARD
Oh really? What are these then?
He points to the grappling hook marks.
BLACKBEARD
And the ship in the distance that’s all smokey?
Blackbeard picks up Antoinette’s wig.
BLACKBEARD
And this wig?! Huh?
STEDE
Oh my days.
Blackbeard and Stede clearly remember the wig.
STEDE
What did they what?
BLACK PETE
They came here to set our ship on fire.
OLUWANDE
To be fair we did try hearing them out first.
Every one nods their head convincingly.
STEDE
Good for you all!
BLACK PETE
Then we were like, “defend the ship!”
(acts out fighting moves)
And got into an epic fight.
STEDE
They don’t seem like the fighting type.
BLACK PETE
Believe me they were vicious enemies. A few of us almost died. Pretty cool, right Blackbeard?
Everyone goes along nodding to the story. Blackbeard pauses.
BLACKBEARD
When you ripped this wig off did some of her scalp come off with it?
BLACK PETE
(nods proudly)
Oh yeah.
Blackbeard bangs his fist on the side of the ship. Startling everyone.
BLACKBEARD
So you’re telling me I missed all this action?!
BUTTONS
Will appear so.
BLACKBEARD
Fuck!
STEDE
Well at least we saw a lot of action treasure hunting on he island today.
Blackbeard holds himself back from saying something he is going to regret. He pats Stede’s shoulder.
BLACKBEARD
That we did Stede. That we did.
THE SWEDE
Orange?
He throws some to them. Blackbeard and Stede smile at each other before ripping apart their oranges.
STEDE
(to crew)
I have an announcement everyone. Blackbeard and I are now co-captains!
No one says anything, they are way too tired.
STEDE
Isn’t that just exciting. Part fancy boys, part real pirates.
The crew mumbles. Blackbeard and Stede smile at each other once more.
EXT/INT. THE REVENGE, OLU AND JIM’S ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
Olu takes a deep breath before walking in and hanging up his jacket.
OLUWANDE
You’re really gone, huh?
He sits down solemnly.
EXT. THE REVENGE, BOW - NIGHT
Buttons starts taking off his clothes in a ritualistic way. No one sees him. For now.
END OF EPISODE