Family Day - Comedy Sketch
Logline: It's family day on survivor, but what happens when non of the contestant's loved ones want to come.
EXT. SURVIVOR FAMILY GAME - DAY
JEFF and the remaining four contestants, ALEX, EDITH, and MIKE, await the next challenge. They’re tired, and hungry, and suffering. Jeff addresses them with enthusiasm.
JEFF
This is it! (dramatic pause) Whoever wins immunity today will guarantee them a spot in the finals of Survivor Okinawa.
Are we ready?!
ALEX/EDITH/MIKE
(exhausted)
Sure./Yeah./Let’s get this over with.
JEFF
But first!
Everyone groans.
JEFF (CONT'D)
At this point of the competition I
think you all could use a little morale boost. So we invited your-
Everyone starts smiling. A producer cuts Jeff off to hand him a note. After reading it.
JEFF (CONT'D)
(to producer) Are you for real? (looks at the note again) Well, this is a first. Alex!
Alex perks up hopeful.
JEFF (CONT'D)
Hate to tell you this, but we couldn’t get anyone from your
family to come, because they all hate you.
ALEX (under his breath) I knew it. Those pieces of shit.
JEFF
Right... So here’s your dog,
Peanut!
A golden retriever comes running out.
ALEX
Peanut! Come here girl!
Alex falls to his knees and rubs her belly.
ALEX (CONT'D)
(tearing up) You’re everything baby.
(to everyone)
She was there when no one else was, my first date, my graduation, when I stole thousands of dollars from my father that he was going to use for brain surgery.
JEFF
What was that?
EDITH/MIKE
Awww so cute!/She IS everything!
JEFF
Did anyone else hear about the
stealing part?
Jeff gets handed another note. He reads it and sighs.
JEFF (CONT'D)
Edith. Oh boy, so we have someone
here for you too.
EDITH
(excitedly) Please tell me it’s my sister! I really need to know if she’s okay.
It’s been rough.
JEFF
Ah wrong, your sister refused.
(reading)
She despises your ass.
EDITH
Really?!
(then laughs)
Okay, actually that makes sense. I did shoved her down the stairs with rage the last time I spoke to her.
JEFF
Uh huh... So we have-
A PA named BEATRIX walks toward them.
JEFF (CONT'D)
(reading)
Beatrix? One of our PAs.
Beatrix, with their headset on, runs over to Edith, who’s besides herself with joy.
EDITH
(crying)
Hold. Up. You’re here just for me?
BEATRIX
Of course!
She looks deeply into Edith’s eyes
BEATRIX (CONT'D)
Listen to me. You’ve stayed so
strong through all of this-
JEFF
(scoffs)
Please, you barely know each other.
BEATRIX
You don’t know what we have Jeff!
Jeff ignores this and gets handed another piece of paper.
JEFF (to Producer)
Oh come on! (defeated)
Mike, who do you think showed up for you?
MIKE
It’s gotta be my loving wife.
JEFF Nope! She told our producers that... Oh shit...
(reading)
If he thinks I would even consider seeing that low life serial killing bitch husband again, he’s more delusional than I thought.
MIKE Wow.
(jokes)
Why doesn’t she just tell me what she really thinks, huh?
JEFF
(scared)
So we found this random person at the airport.
A RANDOM PERSON, with luggage still in hand and a neck pillow, stumbles over.
RANDOM PERSON
Yo, what’s up! This is awesome, I
love Survivor!
The random person and Mike hug, then do an elaborate handshake.
MIKE
I’m so glad you’re here.
(Mike leans his head on the random person’s shoulder)
It’s been so lonely.
RANDOM PERSON
Shhhh... I’m here now.
JEFF
Whoa, whoa wait, you should all be
in jail. In fact, I’m going to call the police right now you, you criminals!
The PRODUCER walks over to Jeff.
PRODUCER Jeez Jeff, way to put a damper on family day. Am I right?
They all agree.
MIKE
Yeah Jeff nobody likes you.
They all start booing Jeff, until he walks away.
BLACKOUT