Dangerous Teacups - Comedy Sketch

EXT. DISNEYLAND TEACUP RIDE - DAY

A peppy DAD and his CHILD approach the teacup ride.

CHILD

Dad, look! There’s no one in line for the teacups, let’s go!

The child drags him to the line.

DAD

Our Disneyland trip wouldn’t be complete without it!

They smile at each other as an EMPLOYEE walks over.

EMPLOYEE

Hold on a second! Why do you two look so happy? These teacups are serious business.

DAD

Serious business?

EMPLOYEE

That’s right and I would be worried if I were you two.

DAD

You’re kidding right? It’s the teacups.

CHILD

Yeah, it just spins around and around.

EMPLOYEE

Ha! Just spins around? Have either of you worked on the teacups part-time for an ENTIRE year?

DAD

No, but...

EMPLOYEE

Well I have and I’ve seen shit.

CHILD

Shit?

EMPLOYEE

And I was put on this ride specifically to prepare and most importantly warn the brave few who want to risk their lives. In fact, I’m going to have to check your height kid.

DAD

Okay, I understand your being careful, but my child already passed the height requirements on Space Mountain and Indiana Jones.

EMPLOYEE

Well, congratulations!

(deadpan)

That means nothing to me.

The employee brings over a standard measuring stick.

EMPLOYEE

Minnie ears off and step in front please.

The child obediently steps over.

EMPLOYEE

Looks like you’re clear. An inch shorter and you would have gotten sucked straight down into the bottom of the cup.

DAD

Excuse me?

EMPLOYEE

Okay Dad, your turn.

DAD

My turn? But, I’m a grown man.

EMPLOYEE

Whoa, there’s no need to make a scene. Stretch your arms out for me.

The employee brings out a measuring tape from his pocket and measures the dad’s arm length.

EMPLOYEE

Alright, let’s see, let’s see... Ah, so close sir, but not quite.

DAD

What?

EMPLOYEE

I was looking for one less inch on you. Your long arms run the risk of flinging over the edge and getting slashed repeatedly by the spinning teacups around you.

DAD

The teacups only move like 5 miles per hour...

EMPLOYEE

Yeah, but it feels way faster than that... if you know what I mean. I’m afraid you’re going to have to use a special seat belt.

The employee walks off and returns with a belt that resembles a straight jacket.

EMPLOYEE

Here we go. Now, not only does it fold across your lap but it crisscrosses in front and wraps around your arms nice and snug. You won’t be flinging around with this.

DAD

Come on, is that really necessary?

EMPLOYEE

Absolutely! I bet Goofy would have loved this belt today when his arms nearly got torn to shreds by all the spinning vortexes of death around him.

DAD

That’s very funny.

(to child)

Don’t worry, he’s only joking.

CHILD

Is Goofy okay?

EMPLOYEE

No, he’s not okay kid!

(to Dad)

Are we taking this serious now?

DAD

Whatever, your just trying to scare us.

(to child)

Let’s get out of here, this ride’s lame anyway.

EMPLOYEE

How dare you. The teacups is the best and most intense ride at Disneyland!

The dad and child leave disgusted and another EMPLOYEE 2 walks over.

EMPLOYEE 2

Where are they going?

EMPLOYEE

They left, realized they couldn’t handle the heat.

EMPLOYEE 2

Ah huh... Well, since no one’s in line. Should we take it for a spin?

EMPLOYEE

(scoffs)

Yeah, I don’t think so.

Goofy walks by whimpering with a still bleeding decapitated arm.

EMPLOYEE

(to Goofy)

Hey, hang in there buddy.

BLACKOUT